"Are you my boss or something?": Only woman on the team stands up to short-tempered coworker when he throws a tantrum over an email

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jun 20, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Being the only woman at your workplace can be tough indeed. Many women that find themselves in this situation feel that they have to work just as hard to get recognition for their work or have their voice heard compared to their male peers. It's also not unusual to face gender bias from bosses, managers, and even peers. On top of all of this, it can be pretty isolating. It's hard to make due without a coworker bestie that you can't banter with the way you would with another woman.

In our story today, a young woman finally stands up to a short-tempered coworker. While his anger and outbursts aren't always directed at her, she's the only one out of a team of men that is willing to clap back when he throws a tantrum over something small. To read the full story and find out what internet commenters had to say, scroll down below!

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  • 01

    AITA: I was yelled at today by a male co worker and clapped back

    "I've never been micromanaged by anyone as much as him"
    via FatCamera

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I was yelled at today by a male co worker and clapped back. Still unsure if I did the right thing I'm part of a team of 6 developers and I'm the only woman in the team. We have several teams and I
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 03
    get along well with everyone. I'm usually thought of us as nice to everyone, and joking around etc. I've heard several co workers tell me that they enjoy working with me.
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 04
    Today I got into an altercation with one of my male co workers. He is stubborn and is known to have outbursts at people. Especially if we don't do exactly as he wants us to. He seems to struggle
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 05
    with nuances and gets mad at you if you don't solve something code related in the way that pleases him. He has been working at this company for over 10 years, whereas I've been here for a year so there's
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 06
    that. I've never been micro managed by someone as much as him and he is not even my manager or boss.
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 07
    In short, the altercation was this: I was handed a document with descriptions of how certain software components in our code base is intended to work. Some of the descriptions are newly revised, so I have to rewrite code to fit the new description.
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10518878976
    via SeventyFour

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    The descriptions were unclear, so I decided to email the engineer who had written the document. He is very well versed into the system design of these components, we can call him M. As I was typing my
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 10
    email, my male co worker exploded and was yelling "I KNOW THESE THINGS, YOU SHOULD ASK ME. STOP BOTHERING M". I'm usually cold in these situations and don't really care about his outbursts,
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 11
    but this one really caught me due to his usage of the words "bothering". I was typing a two sentence email, and he made it sound like I was sending M 100 of emails.
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 12
    I looked back and responded "I'm sorry, are you my boss or something? I'm emailing him because I want his explanation since he has written this document". And he responded by saying "you're so ride, that's so ride of you" and I was like "yeah, then go and cry about it".
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 13
    When I said the last words, the entire landscape went quiet. Usually no one stands up to this co worker and he is having angry outbursts without anyone stepping in and this is the first time I stood up for myself.
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178
  • 14
    Cheezburger Image 10518878720
    via CreativaImages

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 15
    Did I do something wrong in this situation? Like, is it normal to have these outbursts at co workers? I'm second guessing myself all the time but I really feel like he is the unreasonable one.
    via u/Tasty_Stranger_178

  • I do think she took it a bit far and got a little unprofessional with her retort. I'm proud of her for standing up for herself, though.

  • 16
    No_Paper8954 Okay you aren't the a hole. He went ballistic and has done it many times before. Telling him to cry about it is definitely not nearly as bad.
    via u/No_Paper8954
  • 17
    BUT it wasn't a smart move. Instead what you should do is every time he lashes out, report it. This is the only way he will ever stop or be punished. If not and it happens to you, then it's insanely clear that you don't want to be in this company.
    via u/No_Paper8954
  • 18
    There is plenty of demand for people in IT, and a lot of companies are even desperate for female employees or over the moon to have them. Good luck with this nasty issue.
    via u/No_Paper8954
  • 19
    Human resources Due to the disciplined and work of all the em the successf
    via alexskopje

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 20
    Future-Photograph-88 I like this, but also keep in mind that he might not ever get talked to about this. I've found it's easier for some managers to keep the status quo and expect/force employees to deal with their toxic
    via u/Future-Photograph-88
  • 21
    co-workers because. "that's just how he/she is." It's frustrating as h_I, but if that's the case, then OP will need to decide how long she's willing to put up with that treatment before she decides to leave, if it gets that bad.
    via u/Future-Photograph-88
  • 22
    No_Paper8954 If she reports it enough times, especially if she emails it so it's documented then she builds up a report. And in that case she can potentially sue the company if they don't want to do anything about it.
    via u/No_Paper8954
  • 23
    There is a reason why HR exists, it's for these types of situations. To protect a company from lawsuits. If she goes through the proper channels then they will respond, because a 10 year old employee at a certain point isn't worth the risk.
    via u/No_Paper8954
  • 24
    Heavy_on_the_Tomato Report it? Maybe that works at your company. That doesn't work everywhere. She might even be perceived as overly sensitive for reporting that someone called her ride.
    via u/Heavy_on_the_Tomato
  • 25
    She handled things really well, considering how fast it all probably went down. It seems to me that she thought on her feet in an escalating situation and put a stop to it then and there.
    via u/Heavy_on_the_Tomato
  • 26
    CarBombtheDestroyer Reporting stuff all the time that no one else cares to is also a recipe for disaster. A lot of companies don't say this out loud but have a fit in or f off
    via u/CarBombtheDestroyer
  • 27
    policy. I'd deal with him one on one, explain what boundaries he's crossing all the time and not to expect you to roll over anymore if he crosses them again. Then if there is a problem go to hr like once with a list.
    via u/CarBombtheDestroyer
  • 28
    iheartwords NTA but the part where you told him to go cry about it was painfully immature and doesn't reflect well on you. Next time, tell him that how he communicates is uncalled for his outbursts are disrespectful and in the future you won't respond to any unprofessional behavior.
    via u/iheartwords
  • 29
    mordwe Agreed. I've worked with people like this, and it's best to stay professional while pushing back on their unprofessional behavior.
    via u/mordwe

Tags

terrible coworkers corporate AITAH Female Empowerment Professional At Work work coworkers relationships human resources red flag coworker girlboss
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